I stopped negotiating with terrorist. Out of a sense of desperation I found that some things must be non-negotiable. After years of failing to be the person that I wanted to be. After years of going through cycles of hope and self-loathing. After coming up with systems and tracking my performance failed, I came to a realization that is quite simple. I needed to undermine the terrorist that was destroying everything that was important to me. That terrorist was me. Specifically it was my lack of discipline. I finally figured out why I could be extremely disciplined with some things but was failing on the things that I truly believed were critically important. The reason is I am not an emotionless machine. Admitting that I thrive on distraction, that I am a great visionary, a great doer for a specific project, but I am not good at long-term tasks helped me to work out a solution to the struggle.
The battle was hugely frustrating. As I look over many years of entries from my journal the high degree of struggle is revealed. It is painful to review them. I want you to have hope. I am in a different place now. I have friends who have only known me for a few years and they think I am a freak of nature who is winning in every aspect of life. I am winning in every aspect of life but I had to fight my way through the jungle of thinking that I was a loser. I want you to have hope knowing that there is a path to victory and you can have a completely different life.
This is what made the difference.
To begin with I decided to change. I cannot do that for you. Every person who changes does so after they are sick and tired of things the way they are. If you don’t look at your life and feel disgust you will not change. Even if it is just one area of your life you must draw a line in the sand and tell yourself that the time is now. I did this for years. Deciding is a start but I needed more to keep going. Part two of this point is to keep going. Never give up. I love a quote from Winston Churchill- “Never give in–never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.”
You are bound to be different from me. You may have to change things up a bit to get what worked for me to work for you. Decide to change and never, never, never give up.
Keystone battle
According to Google a keystone is “a central stone at the summit of an arch, locking the whole together”. The point to know is that without the keystone, the arch topples to the ground. Things really started to turn around for me in 2012. I had a list of must win battles and that was a good plan but it wasn’t enough. The problem was that I have an extremely busy life and the busyness doesn’t follow regular patterns. I like it busy so it’s my own fault. I own that fact. Being as busy as I am means that there is more to do than hours of the day and I would cheat by sleeping very little. I began to realize an important thing though. It is hard to have self-discipline when I am short on sleep. If I get plenty of sleep I do not feel like I need to eat to fuel the sluggishness, I feel able to exercise, I am able to do the things that do not come naturally to me like praying for my friends and family throughout the day. Sleep therefore is the key battle. What are your must win battles? It took repeated failure for me to figure that there is such a thing as a key battle and to figure out what my key battle is. I like this concept and I recommend that you determine what your must win battles are. As you observe your success in winning at your must win battles be aware of the possibility that there is one battle that stands in front of your other battles like a row of dominoes. If this one battle fails to fall it will prevent the others from falling along with it.
Discipline
My life didn’t get any less busy but I believe I have found a method that allows me to get the most important things done. I follow the concept of the Rock, Pebbles and Sand story. The story is told that a teacher stood before a class with an usual array of props. There was a large glass jar, fist sized rock, pebbles, sand and a glass of water. The rocks represent things in your life that are important but not urgent. These are things like exercise, eating right, your spiritual life and relationships with family and friends. The pebbles are things that are important and urgent. Examples of this are sickness, a flat tire, and work deadlines. The sand represents things that are not important to you but someone wants it now. This could be a phone call/text/email or someone stopping your work to make a request of you. The water represents things that are not important or urgent. These are time wasters like watching TV, gambling, video games, social media. If you put the pebbles and sand in the jar first then the rocks will not fit. If you put the rocks in first and then the pebbles and then the sand and then the water. Voila, it all fits. Now I am going to share with you the secret sauce I use to get the rocks in first. I use rituals. Specifically I have a morning ritual that I do Monday through Friday that incorporates the most important things. These most important things are my must win battles. My ritual plays out like this.
- Get up 6.5 hours after going to bed.
- Think about everything I am thankful for.
- Make a healthy breakfast and pack a healthy lunch.
- As I drive to work I listen to the Bible.
- Walk for six miles or in poor weather work out in a fitness center while praying for family and friends.
- Review my Oath for each of the eight areas of my life.
- Proceed with my day according to my time budget.
I do this every day. I do not need to think about it. I make no choices regarding this ritual. It takes no discipline. The key is that this process is on autopilot. Perhaps part of the reason this works is I have a limited amount of energy to make decisions and discipline myself and this process takes none of my mental or emotional energy. The one thing I know for sure is that I have carved out a part of my day when I am immune to the metaphorical pebbles, sand and water of life. My morning is all rocks and I start my day putting all of my rocks into my jar. After my morning ritual is over my day can be a complete mess and it doesn’t matter. I have already done everything that is really important. It helps that this process is complete before 7am. The people in my life do not have expectations of me in these wee hours of the day and so I am able to consistently perform my ritual.
I would love to hear if what I have shared has a positive impact on your life and any ways that you have customized this to make it work for you. I’m here for you if you have questions.
I have rituals, as well. My alarm goes off at 6 am, but I usually wake up before it goes off. While getting dressed for work, I listen to two podcasts. Just Thinking by Ravi Zacharias and Pastor Rick’s Daily Hope by Rick Warren. Rick offers practical insights and Ravi makes my head hurt. Lol. Both, cause great reflection and note taking. I listen to old time gospel station, Oasis Network on my way to work. It makes me feel I’m sitting at the Oberg table with grandma, Auntie and Uncle. I usually hear a song or two, that spark beautiful memories. I heard a song by Phil Driscoll and it reminded me of Uncle Keith playing the trumpet and listening to Phil’s records, in the family room at grandmas house. I searched YouTube and listened to his records, all day at my desk. At 7:30 am, I begin praying for the people/situations on my list. Before staff meeting, I drink hot water and lemon. Hazel Vas, grandpa’s old girlfriend would always drink that, while at Aunt Mae’s house. After staff meeting, I have one cup of tea or coffee, while I do paperwork. I have a schedule that I follow, in order to maintain proper medical records, medical and office supplies. My boss that hired me and my current boss tell me that I’m the most organized person they know. They tell me that if I’m doing it, they know that it will be done right. It’s all about a checklist and ritual. Lol. My struggle is being as organized at home! During my lunch hour, I work on my project for my two grandsons. I completed the journals for each of my favorite devotional, “My Utmost For His Highest” by Oswald Chambers. Each day has lines next to the devotional, so we can right down our thoughts and lesson learned. I write down my thoughts, of what I would like to pass down to the boys and may include a prayer. I also use the book as a diary and document our trips, times together and funny things that they said or did. I’ve read, underlined and wrote down information in “The Books of the New Testament” by Biblical. They they were really small, they drew pictures and I would outline their hand and write the year. Now, I’m doing the devotional journal of one of my favorite material, “Experiencing God”, by Henry Blackaby. I used it to teach Sunday School in the late 90’s. I just love it! I hope that the boys will treasure these, long after I am gone. If not, I have grown spiritually during the process. I won’t bore you with any more of my daily rituals. I do need to be more disciplined in my food choices. Grandma basically ate sugar at every meal, but I guess, it was in moderation. She was slim and on no medication until she turned 96, in the nursing home. Thank you for your thoughtful reflection and questions. I bet that you are sorry that you asked! Lol
Love, Aunt Candy (Disclaimer: I’m not proof reading)
I am so not sorry I asked!
Lots of great choices included in your daily rituals. I especially love your rituals for relationship building and creating a legacy with your grand children. Thank you for sharing.
Jim,great Thursday message.I admire your determination and devotion.My weight has been a struggle my whole life and I know that shedding many lbs. I would feel so much better.I have done so periodically .I not only need to pray more but also put it into action!!!Thanks again I think I’ll reread this every day for motivation
Ken I hope you find someone to make the weight loss into a game. I once said something very bold to a group of guys to provoke them to join me in a contest based on percentage lost. I said to them “I am fat and you are fat. I want to lose weight and can’t and the same is true for you. Almost every major cause of death has obesity as a significant contributing factor, so let’s do something to increase our quality of life by eliminating obesity together.” They all joined and many pounds were lost. The heavier guys had an advantage because theoretically they could lose a greater percentage easier but it turned out that the heavier guys had more bad habits to overcome so there really wasn’t an advantage. My idea was that if the heavier guys won I would rejoice at losing because that would be a big win for everyone involved. If you want more details on how we set up the contest let me know.