Social Distances – How Close Of A Friend Are You?

Part 1

Over the last couple of weeks, we explored what forgiveness is and the reasons why relationships fall apart. If you missed them you can click the links. After looking at the reasons why relationships fall apart you might wonder why you would ever want to seek reconciliation. This is especially true when you think that a relationship broke up for a very good reason. On the other hand, these relationships started for a very good reason. Relationships make sense. My Great-Uncle had one piece of advice for a good life. He urged me to have good friends.

A couple of years ago my family and I visited Florida. The ocean is captivating. It can be so peaceful, so fun, the source of a great adventure, and it can be dangerous. Friends have traits like this also. I will use the ocean as a metaphor of how friends can be experienced. We can keep the ocean at a distance, or we can commit a bit more and play in the shallows. The real joy is found in the deep. Can anything compare to swimming with a pod of Dolphins, snorkeling along a coral reef, or scuba diving for sunken treasure? We can categorize our friends based upon how close to us they are. By close I mean the degree to which we allow them to influence us, how much we rely upon them, and have a level of trust. Trust can be given for just a specific thing or for a specific time at the low end and at the high end of trust there is complete trust which requires us to let down our boundaries with a full access pass to our hopes, fears, strengths and weaknesses. The objective is to give a prudent level of trust to a person and when they prove worthy of the trust you give them more. Those in our inner circle love us just as we are, yet encourage us to become the best version of ourselves. These are the people we can trust with our lives. Now we will take a look at each of the outer, middle, and an inner circle of friends.

The Outer Circle of Acquaintances

The ocean can be experienced while maintaining a bit of distance. I love to walk along the beach. It is fun to see all of the items that get washed up on the shore and to treasure hunt for beautiful shells. It is peaceful to hear the waves reaching up, feel them splash across my feet and then recede. Many people prefer to enjoy the ocean by just looking at it and listening to it. The rhythm of the waves is so soothing. At the other end of the spectrum is the exhilaration of huge crashing waves. The roar and the splash make for great slow speed video. The things I just described are how the ocean can be enjoyed from a distance. Friends like this, who are enjoyed from a distance or for short periods of time are in the outer circle of friends we call acquaintances. Don’t get me wrong. Not all acquaintances are peaceful or the fun life of the party. Part of my families Florida trip included a Dolphin watching excursion on jet skis. This sounded like a fun activity. After a short lesson we headed out into the Gulf of Mexico on the jet skis. It was a windy day and the waves were rolling in. Some people loved these waves. They jumped them and skidded across the tops at high speed. I was not happy at all about the waves. This was my first jet ski experience; my daughter was on the back and I was responsible for keeping her safe. The guide urged us to go fast to help deal with the waves which were pushing us around. If my daughter and I went flying off of that machine at 30mph I was pretty sure one of us would wind up hurt. As a result, I went slow. We made it out and back safely but it was a stressful experience for me. We didn’t go literally into the ocean, thankfully, but we sure did get an experience from being a part of its activity. Even outer circle friends with a lot of high energy activity, whether it be turmoil or celebration, can easily affect our lives. If we allow them to affect our lives often the affect turns into influence. Best friends, buds, old friends and Facebook friends. Different types of friends hold very different roles in our lives. The relationship between friends in various circles is very different. Since the outer circle of friends are people who are acquaintances, your familiarity with them may be limited. You may not know where they work or live, the name of their spouse or whether they have children. The political or spiritual views of these people may have no consequence on your relationship. On the other hand, you might be very familiar with these people because they tell you all about themselves. These people may even believe that you are one of their closest friends. You may respond to these people by telling them all about yourself. The thing that makes them part of your outer circle is their limited influence on you. The people in your outer circle are a very important part of your life though because they make more possible. My wife is part of a group that clothes and feeds the homeless. It takes dozens of people to pull off the wonderful service provided to those in need. I volunteer every week with Jr High students to share with them that God loves them and has a purpose for them. We put on a high energy program and it takes a lot of people to pull it off. Whether it be the workplace, sport, hobby, club, or volunteer organization that you are part of it takes a lot of people to make it happen. These people are there to love with you, for you to love, and for you to receive love from them. They are there to provide conflict to make you grow, and joy to lift you up. When Jesus tells you to love your enemies, yes this is the group in which you will find the people it is hard to love. These people are the ocean. They are a powerful force. They are part of what God wants to do in your life and of what He wants you to do in this world

You will find that a few people move from the outer circle to have a much closer relationship with you. Next we will discuss these closer relationships that are part of the Good Friends and The Inner Circle.

Let me know your thoughts about the Outer Circle in the comments below.