For a number of years my wife and I provided a home for homeless children. Typically, we had 2 siblings for up to three months. We were part of an organization called Safe Families. Mothers who were in a crisis could go to Safe Families and get their children out of the crisis environment for the period of time the mother needed. The thing that struck me the most about these children was their mindset. Their thinking was of course formed by their experiences and what they had been told. It’s not just that they experienced a different life and that they had been told different things about this world than I was brought up experiencing and being told. They had a different truth than me. In their world it was normal that their father’s girlfriend would beat up homeless people and rob them. Their truth was that you had to take what was available. It was normal to steal. Their truth was to look out for only your own interest. It was normal to hide in an attic from DCFS. Their truth was that the government was their enemy. It was normal to not have at all or not have enough. Their truth was scarcity. Instability was normal. Their truth was that people cannot be relied on. It was normal to be used. Their truth was that they were responsible for making other people happy and that they were not cared for. I wonder how these children will ever break free from the patterns of thinking they have learned.
Perhaps you believe your experience has shown you that the things these young children have learned to be true are true for you also.
How do we know when our patterns of thinking need to be reframed? Very simply, it is when we lack hope and joy.
Warning. I want to pause for a moment to shine a spot light on a trap. To choose hope and joy is in our control. We cannot blame someone else. Blaming others is a trap. Do not give someone else the ability to control whether you have joy and hope. Do not give someone else the power over your emotional health. If you blame others it is definitely time to reframe. Life is too short to not have joy and hope.
Do some things require a change instead of a reframe? In other words, how do we know if our circumstances are necessary and right or if we should be doing something completely different? Yes, sometimes change is required but the reason may be a surprise. Things are often wrong because we are doing them for the wrong reason. We can have the peace of knowing that our current circumstance is right where we need to be when we live a life obedient to true principles. Right principles are the key to doing something for the right reason. Change is also required when the current situation violates truth principles.
If I am lacking hope or joy how do I reframe? List every true principle that you can think of.
Here is an example of a list that I came up with.
I am not powerless
Truth prevails over lies
It is better to give than to receive
Love prevails over selfishness
All that I have is given to me by God. He can give and take away as He sees fit.
I will do what is right even when wrong has been done to me.
I will do what is right even if nobody appreciates it.
My mind should be focused on things that are good.
There are resources available to me.
I can change.
I am loved.
I will only do things that I can do in love and joy.
Now discover what your truth statements have to say about your current situation.
Think about each truth statement you wrote for as long as it takes for you to accept it as the new reality of your circumstance.
I am not saying that you deny what is truly happening to you now. I am saying that when hope and joy are missing it is time to think that the result of what is happening to you now is different than what you have been expecting.
Your truth statements are the path which point to joyful possibilities.
What is possible based on truth? Say yes to this new life. Think about all that will come with this new life. Change your body to match your thoughts. Stand up straight, hold your head up high, smile, and breathe deeply.
You now have a dream. Dreams are good but our lives are not made of the dreams that we dream but of the choices that we make. It is time to make choices consistent with your dream.
Are you being abused? That is your current truth but it is not your future. Your dream requires that you take action to remove yourself from danger. One step at a time. One choice at a time.
Are you broke? Are you rejected? Are you sick? Are you depressed? Are you stuck in doldrums? Are you being cheated? Are you being disrespected? Are you spread too thin? Yes, these are your current truth but they are not your future.
Your commitment to your dream will be tested.
Something happens. What thinking/talk do you layer on top of the incident? I am stupid, they are out to get me, it is someone else’s fault, I’m not cared for, I am not worth it, I should have done something different, it was my fault, I should have been stronger or smarter.
The reality is that good and bad, positive and negative happen. Not all things are avoidable. The pain you are feeling can be optional. Replace the negative talk and thoughts with your truth statements. Your emotions and your actions will follow your thinking.